HOL

****


I kept everything inside

And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter


Keep that in mind; I designed this rhyme to remind myself how I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised that it got so far
Things aren't the way they were before

You wouldn't even recognize me anymore

Not that you knew me back then
I tried so hard and got so far
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this, there's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter

**************

I'm tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. I don't know what you're expecting of me, Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes...Every step that I take is another mistake to you...I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. I become so tired, so much more aware. By becoming this, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you.Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control. Cuz everything that you thought I would be has fallen apart right in front of you...
every second I waste is more than I can take! And I know I may end up failing too..But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you...

God I can't believe i still stuck onto these lyrics, these songs at the age of 20s. Wish I could just left them behind, together with the adolescence. I failed. And it is not the first time.

Mentally abused. Physically ignored. Emotionally wrecked. Hell of life.*HOL