I don't know who else should I talk to, I just feel so confused right now.
I think I am a mess, when the battle keep choosing me over and over, and I'm almost out of breath trying to fight and win. Oh I must tell that I usually finally survived, but with permanent major damage. Damage that can't be seen but it's there, cause I can feel it.
How does it feel, when you give your very best searching, yet still stuck nowhere? Like there stood a very huge boulder in the middle of my way. And I no more have the strength to move it away, neither can I find any single hole to bypass the hurdle. I feel like the world collapsing. I feel like quitting. To God who always hear prayers, please grant me with the wisdom to see the light that could ease up my journey.
And tell me how. How can I raise tiny little cute kitten if I am allergic to them. And what I really want is to live in the aquarium with the colourful fishes. With the fact that fish is kitten's food and they forever cannot live together. Yeap I am confused.
And my heart, dear diary, prefers to be there over here.
I may not losing hope yet but this is a despair. What a psychological react and advice could be the best remedy for this? Would you mourn and shed tears together with me? Would you pat me on my back, stroke my forehead and gently coax me to stay put and stand still? Would you be nice and tell me stories of wisdom, lift my spirits up? Or would you slap me in my face, wake me up from this pitiful thing I cuddled in?
Whatever it is, dear diary. I am a bit happy, just to talk and you're listening. Although I deeply wish you can give me your warmest embrace at this moment. :'(
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