Sesak Nafas

Salam.
Kembali menyelesaikan masalah logik sudoku setelah berjaya kutemui buku ku yang hilang beberapa bulan lalu di bawah katil.. =P Itupun secara kebetulan sewaktu aku sedang mengemas barangan persendirian ku..

Sementelah berfikir, aku terkenang bicara seorang sahabat, Shakira berkenaan seorang bekas penyanyi nasyid yang tampil begitu "unik" di audition OIAM baru-baru ini.

Bekas penyanyi berkenaan dikatakan tampil dengan berpewatakan lembut dan imej yang amat bertentangan dengan imej sewaktu di zaman dakwahnya.

Entah kenapa hatiku amat tertarik apabila sahabatku mengatakan dia pernah menganggotai kumpulan nasyid saujana. Mungkin kerana aku terlalu meminati lagu 'sekeping hati' dan 'keluarga bahagia' dendangan mereka. Atau mungkin juga kerana aku memang menyanjungi Saujana. Dan aku masih teringat bagaimana aku mempengaruhi teman-temanku di sekolah dahulu untuk membawa lagu 'Rahsia' untuk pertandingan nasyid antara tingkatan.-Walaupun akhirnya lagu itu dipertikaikan kerana irama kontemporarinya itu disifatkan 'terlalu keras' oleh pihak juri-, sesuatu yang tidak boleh kuterima.

Walau apa pun aku memang menggemari Saujana kerana senikata yang menarik dan irama lagunya kusifatkan amat merdu dan segar.

Setelah terdetik di minda tergerak pula dengan jariku menaip saujana di kotak carian Google. Dan alangkah tekejutnya aku melihat gambar yang disajikan di depan mataku, Khairul Idzwan Baharin atau, izu, yang kini bergelar seorang doktor-aku maklum bahawa dia ialah bekas pelajar kedoktoran UIA; juga salah seorang vokalis utama Saujana, tampil ke audition OIAM dengan imej barunya.

Mana pergi Izu dulu yang berkemeja, berimej segar dan berkopiah?

Mana pergi Izu dulu segak berbaju melayu, lengkap bersongkok?

Mana pergi Izu dulu yang kukagumi dendangan irama dakwahnya?

Aku akui suatu masa dahulu aku suka melihat Izu mendendangkan irama nasyid.

Tetapi, tampil di audition dengan tersipu-sipu?, membuat aksi yang merendahkan martabat dirinya sendiri? , berambut panjang, PERANG, elok tersisir diikat??

Dan tatkala melihat klip video auditionnya dimainkan, dadaku terasa begitu sempit sekali.
Nafasku sesak!


Mungkinkah hatiku membohongi mata?

Kerana sukar untukku mempercaya.

~Harapan Tidak Buta~

Currently obsessed with this song..



Berjalan di jalan yang terang
Agar tiada jatuh dan tersungkur
di persimpangan
Berhati bila di jalanan
Bimbang datang ujian
Menduga keimanan

Sudah menjadi suratan
Setiap sesuatu bersifat sementara
Jerih perit di dunia
Terungkai dek pawana
Hembusan ketaqwaan

Pilu melihat mereka
Dihimpit kemiskinan
Yang serba kekurangan
Berkat walau sedikit
Terukir keredhaan
Di wajah ketenangan

Masih ada harapan
Ubah nasib kehidupan
Bekalan ilmu yang berguna

Berjalan di jalan yang terang
Agar tiada jatuh dan tersungkur
di persimpangan
Berhati bila di jalanan
Bimbang datang ujian
Menduga keimanan

Berusaha hindar keculasan
Waspada kefakiran
Jerumuskan kekufuran
Maruah dibela dijaga
Tidak meminta-minta
Hanya Tuhan segala

Mereka fakir di dunia
Namun berilmu dan beramal mulia..

Nilai aku lagi tinggi dari kau?

Hakikatnya kita sama sahaja- tiada berbeza
Di antara kita sesama kita tiada lagi jurang yang nyata









Tinggi nilai kita di sisi Allah hanyalah takwa.....


Dan bukan kita boleh menilai takwa, cuma Dia.

Plead

di balik tabir bicara

tersasul bahasa terlepas kata

hingga tergegar titi penyambung

goyah! masihkah bisa bergantung?

bila diturut pintanya nafsu

di akhir kali menyesal jua

anak manakah berhati batu!

tetap mengharap setangkai kasihnya….

kata nak dikota

tak bisa luah bicara

andai bisa mahu mengerti..

selamilah diri ini sedanya……..

Miss

I am not being a silly-billy. or trying to be one.

But I am the one who speaks out loud. I'm now an open thinker, or talker, as you pleased to say.

I talk when I'm mad
and so I'll talk when I'm sad



I'm missing that person right now.
I missed her by heart , even the flashing thought of her made me cry.




We are too close to be apart.

The Task

Finish the design please, I may say

I'm lazy... zzz zzz


Oh My Oh My

Uncertain

*ding-ding*
the heart says

*drruumm-drruumm*
it sounds again

*ding-ding*
it sings happily

*drruumm-drruum*
ouch, the sound deafening


hey, help i'm stuck
in the middle of *ding-drruumm* melody
in the middle of the song
uncertain song..
or uncertain sound

Rahsia.

"Andainya dapat engkau mendengarkan

Suara dihatiku melagukan rindu

Kiranya engkau bisa mentafsirkan

Setiap bait kata-kata yang terungkap



Pasti dirimu dapat melihat

Rahsia kasih yang terpendam

Sekian lama disudut hatiku "

Doaku Buatmu..

This prayer is my favourite part in the Ma'thurat. Back when I was in high school. Till now in my university life. Only I didn't recite them everyday anymore like I used to. God, I live in negligence.
Wa abuu bizanbi, faghfirli...Aku mengakui dosa-dosaku, maka ampunilah aku...

*****

Allohumma innaka ta'lamu anna haadzihil quluub,
qadijtama'at 'alaa mahabbatik,
wal taqot 'alaa thoo'atik,
wa tawahhadat 'alaa da'watik,
wa ta'aahadat 'alaa nashroti syarii'atik,

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui bahawa hati-hati ini
telah berkumpul untuk mencurahkan mahabbah hanya kepadaMu,
bertemu untuk taat kepadaMu,
bersatu untuk menyeru (di jalan)-Mu,
dan membela syariatMu,

fawats-tsiqillahumma roobithotahaa,
wa-adim wuddahaa,
wahdihaa subulahaa,
wamla'haa binuurikal ladzii laa yakhbuu

maka kuatkanlah ikatan pertaliannya Ya Allah,
abadikanlah kasih sayangnya,
tunjukkanlah jalannya
dan penuhilah dengan cahayaMu yang tidak pernah redup.

wasyroh shuduuroha bifaidhil iimaanibik,
wa jamiilit-tawakkuli 'alaik,
wa ahyihaa bima'rifathik,
wa amit ha 'alasy-syahaadati fii sabiilik,
innaka ni'mal maula wa ni'man-nashiir.


Lapangkanlah dadanya dengan limpahan iman

dan keindahan tawakal kepadaMu,

hidukanlah dengan makrifahMu.

Sesungguhnya Engkau sebaik-baik pelindung
dan sebaik-baik penolong.

AMIN YA ROBBAL ALAMIN

*****


Kuatkanlah ikatan antara hati-hati kami Ya Allah...

Ameen.

Oh tuhanku
Tiada indah di malam yang hening
Melainkan dengan bermunajat kepadaMu
Tiada indah suatu hari yang ku lalui
Kecuali dengan patuh kepadaMu

Oh tuhanku
Tiada indah hidup di dunia
Melainkan berzikir dan menyebut namaMu
Tiada indah tiba di akhirat yang abadi
Kecuali dengan keampunanMu

Ya Allah tuhanku
yang mengubah kalbu
Tetapkanlah hatiku moga sentiasa dalam agamaMu
Jua taat dengan perintahMu

Tuhan, Jangan bebankan kami
Dengan bebanan yang berat
Seperti yang telah Kau berikan kepada umat yang terdahulu dari kami

Tuhan, usah pikulkan kami
Yang tidak kami terdaya
Maafkan salah kesilapan , ampunkanlah dosa-dosa
Rahmatilah kami

I've wronged, I've sinned. Ya Allah, lead us through the right path.

Hard

I dunno who i am now

Am i actually a bitch who pretends to be good all the time but finally losing myself

Or i am a good girl ,but miserable leads me to do something bad


Heart says i am a rebel, stop pretending to be good, and be my own true self

Heart also says yes, be my own true self, only the truth is i am a good girl, so stop acting maniac thinking i was born as a loser

Shit it was hard

HOL

****


I kept everything inside

And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter


Keep that in mind; I designed this rhyme to remind myself how I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised that it got so far
Things aren't the way they were before

You wouldn't even recognize me anymore

Not that you knew me back then
I tried so hard and got so far
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this, there's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But, in the end, it doesn't even matter

**************

I'm tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. I don't know what you're expecting of me, Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes...Every step that I take is another mistake to you...I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. I become so tired, so much more aware. By becoming this, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you.Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control. Cuz everything that you thought I would be has fallen apart right in front of you...
every second I waste is more than I can take! And I know I may end up failing too..But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you...

God I can't believe i still stuck onto these lyrics, these songs at the age of 20s. Wish I could just left them behind, together with the adolescence. I failed. And it is not the first time.

Mentally abused. Physically ignored. Emotionally wrecked. Hell of life.*HOL

Jika Kau Tiada

suatu ketika dahulu
ku tersesat dalam hidup
sehingga muncul menjelma
rasa sayang kepadamu

rupanya inilah cinta
nikmatnya baru ku rasa
tak terbayang bagaimana
hidup jika kau tiada

jika kau tiada
pada siapakanku dendang syair cinta
dan dakapan mana harus ku bersandar
meraih kasih yang ku perlu
jika kau tiada
wajah siapa harus ku tenung bila mencari ketenangan
arakian suara siapakah kan membisikkan kata -kata cinta

tak tersusunnya kata
azimat kau kau bawa pastinya ku kan sengsara oh..jika kau tiada

c/o
takku kenal cinta sebelum kau hadir
tak ku tahu erti rindu
kini doa ku termakbul ..ku tagih cinta mu selalu

walau ramai ku kenali
tiada seikhlasmu kasih
kalam sayang kau ku cinta
hanya nyawa kan bisa memisahkan kita..

jika kau tiada
hilanglah bintang dilangit yang berkelip memelita malam yang hiba
hilanglah keajaiban didunia

jika kau tiada
sentuhan siapa yang mampu menyembuh luka dihatiku
lantarannya tawar naluri hati untuk jatuh cinta lagi..
jikalau ku termampu memiliki dunia
pastinya ku kan sengsara oh jika kau tiada

Macam biasa, my hobby during free time ataupun di masa2 sibuk giler adalah melayan Akademi Fantasia. Dan hobi ini adalah berterusan sejak 7 tahun yang lalu.

And what so special about this week, is Akim will sing one of the most memorable song in my life, Jika Kau Tiada by Erra and yusry.
If i'm not mistaken , Jika Kau Tiada was a themesong in film Kuliah Cinta back when i was in high school( maybe Form 5.)

I remember my so-crazy-tablemate, Pooh loved Yusry so much for his cast as 'Faramy Arif' in that movie. and often she called me by the name of 'Fara-mie' or 'Fara-B-Kaha'.. I dont even know what the hell was that means.

But we(Pooh and me) used to duet this song together almost every prep time. Man , how I wish she was here. Damn miss my friends.

Anyway, Akim better perform well for this song. I really looking forward for it.

To My Love : Jika Kau Tiada...

Give-Me-A-Shape!

Salam and hi again!

Apart from thinking the worst case scenario of my exams and industrial training, I tried to read of something to freshen my tired brain. Having flashlights on some new, hottest trends in fashion magazines sometimes inspire me and generates my shopping buds, and leads to my happy hour day dreaming.. Hehe..

But then suddenly my eyes caught on this article that actually spoiled my happy hour time. =( Anyway I don't mind sharing this article for even it is not great for me to think of it, but to be honest i find it very informative. Let's have a look :

7 NOT-SO-OBVIOUS HEALTH SINS

(They said that these are the unhealthy habits that we need to stop doing now)

• You eat fast food once a week

Eating a fatty meal almost immediately affects the functional of blood vessels, making it harder for them to dilate for up to 4 hours after you've eaten. If you would still like to take your weekly dose of fast food, have it in small portions instead. Opt for Happy Meal which includes smaller fries and drink, but have salad on the side to balance your nutrients intake. The next time you decide to drive-thru the McD, think again!

OMG! The thought of saying about having McD every week is so like me! And sorry Happy Meal, I never ordered anything other than Big Mac and Double Cheese Burger.. too bad for me , huh.. No wonder.....=(

• You only sleep five hours a day

5 hours snoozing is not enough, even if you feel refreshed in the next morning. Apart from the risk of getting heart disease, diabetes nad hypertension, did you know that lack of sleep can cause weight gain? A sudy showed that men have greater appetites when deprived of sleep. Another study, which looked at the sleep patterns of more than 1000 indidviduals, found that the less people slept. the higher the body mass index is. Since individuals who sleep less than 8 hours a night on average are heavier than those who do, it's probably a good idea to cut down on late night partying and get all the beauty sleep you can!

Again, MY GOD! This rings a bell. A loud bell. I only sleep five hours. Sometimes even less. Well, look at the time now, it shows 4:17 a.m. And here i am, tip tapping on my keyboard.. High BMI? Ouch..Ouch..Ouch..

• You brush twice a day, but hardly floss

The reality is that the majority of us dont know how to take proper care to our teeth. Flossing removes bacteria that escapes the toothbrush by hiding in the tiny spaces between the teeth. Brushing without flossing is like washing only 65% of your body, the other 35% is remains dirty! The American Dental Association recommends you to floss at least once a day.

Hello, is anybody from the magazine come and took a peek of my real life? Did they put on a spy on me? How did they know then! aaaa.. The only floss I ever use was my dad's at home. Uh, Dad, would u let me take yours, or you prefer to buy me a new one? Uh huh.

• You eat only two to three servings of fruits and vegetables a day

If you take in abaout 3 servings per day, it might just save your life. Study shows that 3 daily servings of produce may be enough to lower the risk of premature death from heart disease and stroke. It also may prevent cells from turning cancerous.

I only take 1 serving of the greens daily. Enough said. =(

• You smoke one or two sticks of ciggarettes a month

-I am lazy to type the explaination-

Well, ones may think that smoking only 1 or 2 sticks will not cause harm, but the fact is, they did. Only at this point i didnt feel any regret or any heartbreak, cuz i didnt smoke at all. I believe smoking will leads to bad breath, bad looks(for girls), bad health, and bad lifetime.

• You drink a lot of soda

Whether i's regular or diet, soda can increase the risk of osteoporosis. If you really want to drink soda, dont forget to drink a cup of milk before going to bed. It's the calcium in the milk that will balance the phosphorus in the soda, which leads to bone loss.

At reading this fact, I thank dad a lot for forbid me to drink any canned drinks back when I was small. And i grew up not having any favour of canned drinks, especially the coke. =)

• You must have your daily dose of coffee

Believe it or not, your daily coffee intake will actually improves your health. Unless if you get insomia or jitters from coffee, research shows that having a cup or two helps protect you against liver and colon cancer. Apart from that, coffee also reduce the the risk of parkinson disease, Alzheimer's, Type 2 diabetesand even premature death from heart disease. This, however doesnt mena you should add on to your usual intake. To make it healthier, stick to a plain coffee or a skim latte that has lower calories. If you're pregnant or trying to conceive, experts advice that you limit your coffee intake to one cup a day or go decaf.

I'm not really into drinking coffee. Just having the coffee moment around exams weeks, when I need the caffein to stay awake. I have this kind of sleeping disorder problems, (obviously I inherit it from my mom!). So, leave alone drinking coffee, even eating the cold medicine which state "Ubat ini boleh menyebabkan mengantuk" , I didnt feel sleepy at all. So coffee will really keep me awake which, I usually dont like.


**Facts are taken from Female magazine, April 2009

I-AM-JEALOUS with anybody with perfect bodyline! My own waistline? Buweekkk!

I want to pull off some weight. I want to be on diet. I want to wear my favourite adorable dress and ruffles shirt and cute top, together with skinny and perfect cutting jeans and hide my very bad looking tummy(Oooouchhh!). Why my tummy is getting thicker and thicker as the times goes by? Why? Why?

My eating behaviour. It is getting worst..

p/s : isnt they cute? * giggle*

Late Night Talk

Salam and hi,

This week is my final exam's week and until now, I have eventually had 4 papers already. The only paper left is Hydraulics, which will be on Monday. I'm not in the moment of talking about my exams. Everything has been clearly explained by my classmates Mushai, Anis, Dewi, Pida and Hawa.

I only pray for the best to achieve my target for this semester.

After the exams we still have presentation for our big, major, integrated project- The Structural Design of a Bungalow. As for this presentation, I haven't done anything yet especially the calculations for beam, slab , column and footing. Actually I do believe that all of my friends also never start working on that yet; but as usual, working together with Wei Chern always made me getting on my nerves and trigger my sense of alertness.

The presentation date hasnt been announced yet but i heard some speculation that it will most probably be on Friday. All groups on Friday.. Any inquiries, refer to Prof Wan, this is just a speculation..=)

If the presentations are going to be deliver on Friday, that means on 10th april. Then I have 2 days to go back home and relax before going for my internship on 13th.

Back 2-3 months before i felt so excited, but right now i feel a little bit nervous. Maybe because I never get chance to dealt with people before. I never even had a part time job!. Just pray for the best again, anyway..