Price to Pay

You smile and wave and talk to me sweet.
We were there we were here together on the street.
One day you said you like me, and ask me to stay.
Oh I like you too, but everything has price to pay.

We head down south up north bliss and free
Let all miseries just passed by with no worry
One day I know this will go nowhere but still I stay
Like I said everything has it price to pay

Yes everything has it price to pay

Joy doesnt last long, it was painful watching you flew away
Laughter was replaced by sorrow and tears to know you were with her all day
And instead of letting you go I told myself to stay
That you will realize everything and say sorry one day

Like I said everything has it price to pay

February was the toughest of all, to have to witnessed everything
Yet later you come to me, said "stay", said you dont know what you're doing
I said okay, unbreak my heart and make me the moon
You grinned, you care, you love, but you forget so soon.

I always believe everything has it price to pay

We fight one day for I tried to burst
You said you hate me like you never did before
I beg for forgiveness with both hands on the floor
Again for hours I stay..But silence all I got


Love thunder struck again, see the cloud turned blue with peace
And air seems pink, symbol of tender pleasure we share
I was thankful what a time in my life
Seeing happiness, feels from deep beneath myself

But then everything still has it price to pay

In between promises you are still chained
Trapped, you're sorry of your own words
Act and deny, try to neglect the past we despair
But made me believe that I should stay

We are here again on the street everywhere
Searching for way the life path actually go
But still I stay dear, thinking how all of these are very rare
Wishing and hoping all the love you said finally be true

Haircut

Rambut saya panjang 6 bulan tak potong. Kira2 layer tutup dada.

Saya potong rambut minggu lepas. Straight cut paras bahu. Fringe Korean Style.

Rambut panjang lagi cun, nampak ayu.


Rambut ni kemas sikit. Comel.Tapi suka rambut panjang. Saya menyesal bawa rambut tak lawa ni buat balik raya.

Huwaaaaaaaa..

Cepatla panjang duhai rambut . :(

Nak balik Raya

Hello salam Pembaca Budiman,

Sejak mula puasa ni hari2 balik awal dari opis, hari-hari masak buka puasa kat umah. Mentang2 supervisor takde.Yeah beliau tiada, pergi menunaikan tanggungjawab jumpa keluarga di negara barat sana. So setiap hari masak dengan gembira kt rumah. Buka puasa dengan senior, buat kawan. Sampai sekarang buntu dah nak masak juadah ape. Macam semua juadah dah masak. Masak merah dah, sambal udang dah, kari dah, masak kurma dah, pajeri dah, sup dah, goreng berlada dah, nasi ayam dah, nasi beriyani dah, nasi minyak dah, goreng tempura dah, sweet sour dah, bihun goreng dah, spagetti dah, bergedil dah, nasi goreng dah, cekodok dah, masak kicap dah, roti john dah, masak lemak dah, hahaha banyaknyee... Nak buat asam pedas ikan kt umah ada ikan bawal je. Takkan nk buat bawal asam pedas kot kan.. Buntu ni buntu dah... adoi doi. Balik Malaysia jap lagi blank nk makan ape, semua dah makan kt sini. bersungguh-sungguh masak. 

Nak nak dekat balik Malaysia ni, ambil kesempatan jugak shopping-shopping. Ada sekali habis kelas terus balik, g Itaewon beli brg rumah, lepas tu shopping kt Namdaemun dan Yongdengpo. Beratus ribu KRW dah habis ni. Mostly kat baju2 adik-adik yang tersayang. Entah kenapa gila pulak beli baju diorang. Tapi takut plak dengar Haziq kata adik dah lagi besar dari dia. Sah sah la tak muat baju tu nanti. Cis, mahal wooo kakak beli tu. Pergi Times Square buat kali kedua last week, singgah Giordano beli baju untuk ayah, dan Polham untuk Along. Nak beli kat Along je sebenarnye, tapi teramik 3 pulak. Untuk tiga-tiga orang sekali. Adoi, melayang lagi dua ratus ribu. Ade sikit t-shirt untuk kawan, beg tangan untuk kawan ibu, skirt untuk si Cawa nak bagi dia cute balik. Semalam pergi Dongdaemun pulak cari kain ela. Rasanya lawa2 lagi kain2 kat Jalan Tar kot. Choices pun lagi  banyak kat Malaysia :(. Walaupun pakcik kat situ pandai cakap melayu, siap rekemen kain nk buat baju kurung ngan baju kebaya. Katanya 100% Korean Silk, tapi disebabkan kurang ilmu, saya pun tak tahu nk cek iya ke salah ke, yang saya tau tempat tu budak2 Malaysia selalu beli kain buat baju kurung (siap tampal sign woo, baju kurung + baju kebaya ). hahaha sabar je lah.  Beli lah 4 meter untuk nenek. Nak beli banyak-banyak tak berapa berkenan sangat corak sebenarnye. 

Erm apa lagi, cenderamata untuk kawan2 masa jumpa nanti, betul-betul blank sebenarnye. Hari tuh dah bagi keychain -standard lah. Tapi kali ni macam tak tau nak bagi ape, nk beli t-shirt sorang satu pokai makcik. hahaha.. Dekat diri sendiri pun tak beli pape. ngeh ngeh.. 

Adik sepupu mintak belikan DVD BigBang. Dah cari kta Itaewon tapi mahal lah pulak. Tunggu masa lagi lah nanti nk pergi Namdaemun balik. Cari kat sana kot2 murah sikit. Esok cuti umum kat Korea ni lagipun. 

Lepas tu cerita pasal shopping sana shopping sini, masak sana masak sini, jangan lupa Prof call jugak dari negara barat sana, tanya conference paper dah siap tules ke?? Adoiii!

INSIDE-OUT!

MISS U SOOOOOO MUCH I JUST CANT GET ENOUGH OF U. STOP THE BULLSHIT ACTING-PRETENDING N BE WITH ME. FOREVER.

Serat @ Serabut?

Situasi : Tgh main game

org 1 : Rasa perut macam tak sedap jela skang ni. Macam penuh pastu rasa sendat je. Lama dah tak ya*ak ni...

org 2 : Yeke... kene mkn buah la kalau mcm gitu..

org 1 :  Itulah ingat nak beli pisang lah.

org 2 : Buah oren pun boleh kot. Sebab oren ada banyak serabut.

*OREN ADA BANYAK SERABUT*

org 1 : SERAT lah! Amendenya serabut plak..

*org 1 ketawa tak henti2.


Aishhhh~ T_T

Hadiah :)

Salam hai pembaca budiman,

Hujung minggu yang lepas adalah hujung minggu yang menyeronokkan. Walaupun, penat. Saya pergi Times Square hari Sabtu, dan shopping kat Yeong dengPo underground market. Ala2 mini Gosok Terminal rupanya. Baju murah2 dan tempat pun selesa. Kira happening la jugak. Tak puas jalan2 sebab pergi pun dah malam. Tapi takpe, lepas ni bole datang lagi cari barang :)

Ahad pulak berjanji dengan diri sendiri nak pegi ofis. Tapi tak janji pukul berapa. So lepas lunch pegi Yongsan tapi bukan pegi I-Park atau e-mart macam selalu. Kali ni kitorang jalan kaki jauh skit ke belakang Yongsan. Oh baru tau rupanya kat situ ada plaza elektronik. Lebih kurang macam Akihabara kt Jepun tu.. Tapi kat sini dekat Yongsan, atau spesifik nama dia Jeonja Land (Bandar Elektronik). Kalau bikt bintang ada Low Yatt Plaza, sini ada Jeonja Land, tapi bukan satu bangunan. Banyak betul building. lepas tu buat market mcm beberapa lorong yang jual brg elektronik sahaje. Baik dari barang2 komputer, games,  kamera, handphones, mp3, mp4 segala macam gajet, TV dsb. Bersinar2 jugaklah mata tengok benda2 tu sume. Paling tertarik sekali tengok XBox+Kinect weehuuu. Cambest seyh. hehe.. Tapi tak beli apa2 pun. survey je. Rasa macam nk beli pendrive 16 Gig sebab ,urah tapi tak jadi sebab macam bukan keperluan. :) 

Dah penat berjalan2 siap hujan panas sume redah (maklumlah Korea sekarang musim hujan, siap banjir2 bagai-eh lari topik), kitorang pun masuklah Yongsan i-Park. rasa aircond sket, nak cari makan, nak survey citer kat wayang, nak tgk harga barang dalam e-Mart pulak. Lepas habis2 cuci mata g makan Jango+bokembab. Jango tu belut, bokembab tu nasi goreng. Belut ni mcm banyak tulang pulak, rasa nk muntah bila makan. Padahal sebelum ni makan suke je T_T...

장어 : Jango : Belut

Tu bukan Jango yang saye makan sebab yang saya makan dah masuk perut Alhamdulillah, tapi tu la rupe Jango. Geli? Kalau tengok belut hidup geli la kot, bila dah atas grill tu, sedap je kekeke~

Lepas makan saje pusing2 dalam mall tiba-tiba nak dijadikan cerita terlalu kat sebelah section jam tangan Casio. Terkenang memori jam tangan lama Casio yang hilang kt tandas sekolah. *buat muka sedih.

Ini jam Casio dihadiahkan kepada saya masa kt UKM dan hilang 2 bulan lepas T_T

Walaupun banyak kali lalu kedai jam tapi saya tak beli jam tangan baru sebab berkabung atas kehilangan jam lama. Dan mungkin punishment kat diri sendiri kot. *sedih*

Tapi hari tu tak semena-mena ada orang cakap kat saya "saya nk belikan awak jam lah, pilih yang mana satu". 

Hu wah haha haha, saya pun tergedik2 kat situ tersipu2 kan. Tiga kali "tak payah", last sekali tuding jugak jari kat benda yang bersinar tu. wakaka~

:))

So dapat lah saya jam baru. Saya saaaaangat suka. dan saya saaaaangat -sangat suka jam ni  . Mood sangat baik sampai kan balik terus pergi ofis, terus siap checking paper beamforming, terus stay kt ofis buat kerja sampai pukul 3 pagi (tak sedar),. dan mood terus baik hari berikutnya, sampai sekarang. Walaupun hati resah gundah apa jadi dengan paper yg sy tengah tulis sekarang.

Terima kasih wahai pemberi jam. Sebab buat saya happy. :D

p/s : sweet lah kamu. >.<

I think I wanna marry you

It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do.

Hey, baby. I think I wanna marry you..

****

Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice.

Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you..

 

Berganding, beriring, bersaing-saing

Ajari kami bicara cinta. Yang boleh buat kami faham erti maksudnya.

Beri kami segunung kekuatan. Biar kami keluar dari selubung sembunyi. Gua sunyi. Menipu diri.

Kami cuma anak tersepit. Dalam jaring yang berbelit. 

Sokong kami bertatih, sembilan bulan berlatih.

Kotak-kotak minda kami sendat. Jiwa kami padat. Hati kami sarat. Cinta itu benar berat.

Dan kerana ia berat, seorang kami patah. Maka kami menyokong. Berganding, beriring, bersaing-saing.

Sambungan itu tegal biasa, rapi lekatnya, padan coraknya. 

Oh, kasihan si dia!

Separuh badannya terlilit benang merah di sana.

Sebelah kakinya terikat rantai besi di sini.

Listen to me, Dear Diary

Dear diary,

I don't know who else should I talk to, I just feel so confused right now.

I think I am a mess, when the battle keep choosing me over and over, and I'm almost out of breath trying to fight and win. Oh I must tell that  I usually finally survived, but with permanent major damage. Damage that can't be seen but it's there, cause I can feel it.

How does it feel, when you give your very best searching,  yet still stuck nowhere? Like there stood a very huge boulder in the middle of my way. And I no more have the strength to move it away, neither can I find any single hole to bypass the hurdle. I feel like the world collapsing. I feel like quitting. To God who always hear prayers, please grant me with the wisdom to see the light that could ease up my journey.

And tell me how. How can I raise tiny little cute kitten if I am allergic to them. And what I really want is to live in the aquarium with the colourful fishes. With the fact that fish is kitten's food and they forever cannot live together. Yeap I am confused.

And my heart, dear diary, prefers to be there over here. 

I may not losing hope yet but this is a despair. What a psychological react and advice could be the best remedy for this? Would you mourn and shed tears together with me? Would you pat me on my back, stroke my forehead and gently coax me to stay put and stand still? Would you be nice and tell me stories of wisdom, lift my spirits up? Or would you slap me in my face, wake me up from this pitiful thing I cuddled in?

Whatever it is, dear diary. I am a bit happy, just to talk and you're listening. Although I deeply wish you can give me your warmest embrace at this moment. :'(

Workaholic

Just great. Except for 3@4 days, from the begining of June until now, I am still stuck at the office at 1.30 am. And there is this hopeless, useless dream. Nothing seems like they are  gonna end pretty soon. Just like previous, another night , spend in front of desktop. If only my computer can talk, it probably shouting at me by now.

Workaholic, am I?

breaking the habit

Memories consume  like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again

You all assume
i m searching in my room
unless i try to start again

i dont want to be the one the battles always choose
cuz inside i realize that i am the one confused

i dont know what's worth fighting for or why i have to scream
i dont know why I instigate
and say what I dont mean

I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure , I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more than anytime before
I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize that I am the one confused

I dont know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit, tonight

I'll paint it on the wall
Cuz I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I dont know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity to show you what I mean

I dont know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight.

i want to be a teacher

Saya nak tukar bidang. Saya tak nak amik dinamik tanah. Saya taknak dengar suara dari tanah. Saya taknak main frekuensi mekanisma tanah. Saya taknak geoteknik. Saya takmau kejuruteraan awam. Saya taknak engineering pun. Saya taknak faham teknik dan teknikal. Saya bukan orang teknikal. 

I want to take arts. I want performing arts. I want to work behind the stage. I want acting. I like singing. I want to learn language. Languages. All different kind of languages. I want to mix with people. I want to manage things. I like secretarial work. I love liase with people. I really prefer living things rather than virtual, not-living things. I want real, original stuff. I love to talk, i love to write. I think I am good at them, even not so great. I want to learn and teach English. To the kids, to people. I want to be a teacher. 

There are a lot of things that I am not great of, but I love them. There are so many things I can do, without feeling forced to do. 

What I regret is why, there are still something that I need to do, that I dont really fancy at. Things that I am not great of either, but maybe good at them. But those things I am doing is bringing me no happiness. 

When can I stop doing what i need, and start doing what I want.

If time cannot be reversed, can it just be stopped? So that I can just start over, again?

Confession

I need to make confession. I need a confession. 

But I'm not allowed to do so. Strictly not allowed to do so. For the sake of their own good. For the sake of their feelings. For the sake of their happiness. 

So what if i'm burning inside out. So what if I am to swallow every single shit. So what, people just dont care.

How long more should I wait.

I hate myself more.

What i really need is CONFESSION. fullstop.

YukSam

Tengah2 tension buat term project yg nak kena present selasa ni, tiba tiba teringat kenangan hujung minggu jalan jalan. 

Dah tau sepatutnya dua tiga minggu belakang ni tak sepatutnya membuang masa. Tapi sebab minggu lepas bergaduh besar, lepas tu terpaksa lah keluar konon2 nk berbaik dan menghilangkan kebencian di hati masing masing. Ayah kate ape, jangan gaduh gaduh kan. hiks.

Nak upload gambar tapi kabel tertinggal kt rumah lepas tu biasanya balik rumah penat dan terlentang terus. So nanti lah upload gambar. 

Ok last week pergi building 63 iaitu bangunan tertinggi kt korea. Dengan bayaran krw34000 (bersamaan lebih kurang rm 100 kot) amik full package. Dapat pegi wax museum, aquarium ikan, naik sky tower art gallery (konon2 tgk satu seoul :') ) tgk 3D iMax (screen besar giler-giler) tapi kan ada org tu dok tidur je keje. penat kot :P

Lepas tu yg best dpt experience masuk wayang 5D pulak. 5D okeyh! hehe. 

ok sambung cter lenkali bye! 

Bukan

Bukan sengaja taknak update blog. Tapi susah nak cari topik yang sesuai waktu-waktu sekarang ni. Bukan takda cerita nak cakap. Bukan tak stress dengan kerja2 sekolah, term project. Bukan tak depressed pasal final exam minggu depan. Bukan tak tension dengan kerja research, nak tulis paper la, nak analisis data dan pelbagai. Tapi setiap kali bukak window new post, yang keluar mesti cerita pasal itu itu itu. berapa kali nk post lepas tu delete balik pun tak tau. 

Lemah la kau ni Nadia!

****

Bukan, bukan. Bukan cerita biasa. Walaupun kalau yang ikut dengar mungkin bosan kata ah tak usah bohong! Kau tahu ini komplikasi bukan. Aku tahu ini komplikasi. Kau tahu kau terjerat tersepit menjerit, dalam liang serabut jaring yang kau sendiri tak habis sulam. Kau jatuh dalam gaung yang kau sendiri gali dalam. Dan kau bertanggungjawab untuk panjat keluar selamatkan diri. Oh jangan lupa, serta isi anak kapal yang kau ikut bawa jatuh sekali. 

Aku cuma mahu hidup bahagia. Bukan gila. Tanggungjawab kau pastikan itu.

p/s : butuhkamu